Fred’s 2009 Fundraiser Rant
Dear friends, family, bands, fans, listeners, volunteers and stragglers of KXLU:
This coming Friday, KXLU will begin it’s annual fundraiser.
Donate between the hours of 6 and 8pm PST by calling (310) 338-5958.
It is really important for you to donate to this fine, non-profit radio station.
If you are my friend, you will donate to help a friend out.
If you are in a band that Demolisten plays on the radio, you should donate because you understand the impact that having your music played on the radio can have on your music.
If you are in a band that Demolisten does NOT play on the radio, you should donate because you understand the importance of having a place to SEND your music to.
If you are a fan of Demolisten you should donate because you are receiving a “free” radio show that is a service to the music community of both Los Angeles and the World. Nothing in this world is free, and if you listen to KXLU without donating to it, you are STEALING.
If you are a volunteer at KXLU, you should donate because KXLU gives you a really fun place to donate your time, mind, and energy to that also makes a difference in the musical world that you obviously care so much about.
If you are a straggler of KXLU, you should donate because if you do NOT I will hunt you down and ….?
I don’t care if your donation is $5 or $50.
Donating to KXLU will get you a Demolisten T-shirt or a “Grab-Bag” of demo CDs that we play on Demolisten.
KXLU lives on about $100,000 a year. This means that even the smallest of donations matter.
Almost all of the staff at KXLU are unpaid volunteers. Think about the other “community” or “college” radio stations in town or in the world, and realize what a special place KXLU is.
You will not hear a corporate underwriting, promotion or commercial on KXLU rock programming. Think about that. Sure, you will hear weird Quizno’s sandwich commercials during the basketball games, but remember that basketball gets the bills paid.
If KXLU means anything to you, you will donate to Demolisten this Friday between 6 and 8pm PST.
I have a list of people that I expect donations from. If I do not see your donation pass in front of me this Friday, you will not hear from me for a very long time. I grew up Catholic and can hold a grudge for a long time and dish out more passive aggressive guilt than you have ever experienced in your life.
I have plenty of friends that DO care, I don’t need your un-donating, stealing, lame, jerk-off, hipster, I’m a DJ, and live in Silverlake, I have a beard and don’t wear shoes, I hate LA, filmmaker, there’s no good music in LA, indie 103 was cool, Henry Rollins is cool, punker than thou attitude, I listen to jazz, indie is a genre, I been listen’ to that station for years, I recognize your voice, IVOR is a genius, I’m a dude who listens to McAllister, Is Lydia hot?, I only listen to records, vinyl is better, artist, I don’t have a Facebook, Neil Young is God, I listen to the ????’s but only the early stuff, my parents were at Woodstock, my uncle was in the the Smells Like Teen Spirit music video, I saw Beck at the Onyx, what happened to The Blues Hotel?, I’m friends with Stella, Uncle Tim represented me for my DUI, who the fuck is Octavius, do the Part-Time Punks listen to anything made outside of a 4 year period?, can Alma Del Barrio get any better?, can Pat Murphy’s shorts get any shorter?, I listen to world music who is Big Red?, I love KXLU! Have you ever donated? No., I’m in a band but we don’t record, here’s my lame flyer, how come you didn’t play my demo?, you talk too much on the radio but you’re really funny, do you want me to fuck you?, I love Jake, I’ll never sell-out, it’s about the music man, we’re playing at the Echo, Spaceland and the Silverlake Lounge, how do i get a show at the Smell or Pehr Space?, recycling, voting, can you get me signed to Sub-Pop?, I have daddy issues, Quentin Tarantino is a god but is a little derivative, sober, “almost” vegan, unemployed, we got a show at the Good Hurt, can you get me a show at the Cinema in Culver CIty?, are you Amerika76 on GTA IV?, why don’t you play that weird intro anymore?, I’m gonna kick your ass and not show up, my girlfriend pays my bills, stoner, I love the Nuggets compilations, I’m into photography but I’m not a photographer, I used to go to Gazzari’s and the Club With No Name, isn’t LMU a religious school?, we have a girl bass player, we’re recording soon, I play the drums, some of the music you play on the radio is really weird, where is the Alligator Lounge?, Jawbreaker at Jabberjaw, I party with L7 and the smell is …..eh, I’m really into 80’s Bollywood, where is Jenny Quitter?, I went to school with Mike Nardone, Jason Bentley sucked my dick in the Greyhound station men’s room that used to be at 6th and L.A. (see Welcome to the Jungle by Guns & Roses (a Demolisten band!)), you’re going straight to hell for that one, I was at the Sonic Youth / Mudhoney show at Castaic Lake when Kurt sang the Leadbelly song My Girl while Courtney looked on 10 months pregnant, I bought my KXLU t-shirt at a thrift store, I saw Nation of Ulysses in the KXLU “vegan” house garage, I’m looking for a roommate, I live in my van in Venice, what year are you?, I’m an english major, I’m as old as your dad, I’m not that drunk, your mom is a man, big in Japan, the tour is going to be great, if it’s yellow it’s mellow if it’s brown flush it down, architecture in L.A.?, L.A. has no culture, volvo station wagon, you’re my first, I’m going to the track, hey I’m looking for a job. what kind of work? anything. Wanna take care of my poop? No., can you announce my benefit show? I collect old doll parts, I don’t really want a girlfriend right now, do you guys have a dolly? no., can you play this on the radio right now?, I’m on the pill, I’m on pills, lo-fi, punk-ass, loser.
No. You cannot just give the money to me. Jeez….