Fred Kiko’s Fundraiser Rant Part 2

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Last Chance for Redemption….

This past Friday, Demolisten raised over $2000. This is a good thing. BUT…

There are many of you that did NOT donate. You are not off the hook.

This Friday night, KXLU will conclude it’s 2009 fundraiser programming.

Call (310) 338-5958 and donate whatever you can to KXLU during the hours of 6 and 8pm PST on September 18th, 2009.

If you are my friend you will donate to say, “Hey, I am Fred Kiko’s friend and have a Demolisten T-Shirt to prove it.”

If you are in a band that is played on Demolisten, you will donate to say, “Hey, my band get’s played on Demolisten and I have a T-Shirt to prove it.”

If you played live on Demolisten in the last year and you do not donate, I cannot promise that your life, soul, heart, brain, intelligence, conscience, or genitalia will last through the next week.

I do not wear clothes with any letters on them except K, X, L, AND U. Please, copy me.

Just the other day, a former KXLU General Manager named me “The Mother Theresa of KXLU”.

I see what needs to be done and do it. I see what needs to be said and say it. I do not hide behind emails and computers. I respect others even when they don’t deserve it.

Working at KXLU is God’s work. Donating to KXLU is supporting GOD. Look it up.

Obviously you like being treated like a dump from a mule’s ass, so I will.

NO. You CANNOT just give a check to Fred Kiko. Jesus, I knew you were all morons, but I did not know you were RETARDED. Yeah. I said it. You are a RETARD if you do not donate. Your wrist is limp and it bangs against your chest uncontrollably. It’s ok. My Uncle Billy Kiko had “water on the brain” and “Down’s Syndrome”, so I can say it. They said he would die at 6 months and he lived to be in his 40’s. KXLU saved him. You are a retard. I hope you die before you’re 40.

Jesus will not save your soul if you do not donate this Friday. Thank God. I do not want to see you in the afterlife. If I accidently run into you and you are not wearing a Demolisten T-Shirt, I will do horrible things to you and your loved ones, dead and alive. When God says to me, “Fred, why did you you this, even in the afterlife?”, I will explain.
“God”, I will say, “They did not donate to KXLU. They listened almost every day. Their stupid band was played on the radio. Yet they did not donate. They did not wear their Demolisten T-Shirt in Heaven.”.
“Oh.”, God will reply. “I see. Act freely.”

I humped your mom and it was not pleasant.

If you don’t donate and your name is Beck, Axyl, or Flea, I will see to it that your career remains exactly where it is.

If you don’t donate and your name is Brian and you are in a band called “The Silversun Pickups”, I will replace your drummer with me, Fred Kiko. Your career will plummet and you will die a lonely, miserable death in a gutter. Sober.

If you are in a band called “Dengue Fever”, and do not donate, I will use my powers and see to it that ALL world psychedelic music will be eradicated from the memories of Americans. All they will remember are The Seeds and The Sonics. Also, Grace Jones will be turned into a LMU fraternity guy wearing flip-flops and riding a long board.

If your little sister wants to meet me, you should donate to KXLU.

If you’ve never seen a grown man naked, you should donate to KXLU.

If your mom hates me, you should donate to KXLU.

If you think I need a haircut, you should donate to KXLU.

If you’ve ever interviewed Lydia Lunch AND Nick Zedd, you should donate to KXLU.

If you’re in love with Debi Mazar, you should donate to KXLU.

If you think Richard Kern is a genius, you should donate to KXLU.

If you have any soul, you will donate to KXLU tonight from 6 to 8pm PST.

There is only one way to do this. Call (310) 338-5958 and ask for a Demolisten T-shirt. Sure, you can donate online at KXLU.com, but what kind of pussy move is that?

Fred
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